This isn’t to say a relationship can’t do these things, it’s just that these aren’t the elements upon which a healthy relationship is built. A relationship is an experience to be had and shared.A relationship also isn’t some sort of milestone, a sign that you have “made it,” that you will be OK, that you are now a member of some elite club. It is about discovering how compatible you are with someone else, and if there is enough chemistry and compatibility to form a lifelong partnership, also known as marriage.You invest mental energy in making sure things go a certain way. I have been guilty of stressing over past relationships. Things started out fun and light, I got excited about the possibilities…and then became scared that my imagined future wouldn’t come to be…and then panic set in.From then on, the relationship was no longer enjoyable.The problem is our minds trick us into believing there is some sort of payoff to this type of thinking.Like it will somehow lead us to a place of confidence and clarity. It will lead you in the opposite direction, rather, and cause you to feel even more uncertain and insecure. A relationship isn’t a measure of your worth or worthiness in this world.
Tell yourself that you will be fine with things for the time being, and if nothing changes in two weeks, then you can be upset about it and deal with it.In my article on why guys suddenly lose interest, I discussed how caring too much or stressing over your relationship can irreparably damage it. When you eliminate the care (or worry or stress or whatever you want to call it), you are free to really be in the relationship.The article sparked an avalanche of e-mails and comments from women who were feeling panicked over the state of their relationship. You can see the other person for who he is and you can give yourself to him freely – no strategy, no game-playing, no manipulation. You can just be and there is no greater feeling than that. How do we stop our minds from spinning into overdrive, sending out waves of unpleasant thoughts and alarm bells? First, you need to realize that getting all wound up over the state of your relationship serves no purpose, ever.If he doesn’t propose in the next month, then I will be upset and I will deal with it.Until then, I’m going to enjoy the relationship and not let this bother me.The only work you have to do is to make sure you are your best self and get to a place where you can give and receive love.No amount of plotting or analyzing will change whether you and someone else are compatible. The dating process is more of a discovery process to find out if it’s there.MORE: 5 Ways to Ruin a Budding Relationship I’m not saying the relationship will be doomed after this point, but I can guarantee it will cause a major shift in the dynamic and it will definitely ruin your ability to actually enjoy the relationship anymore.Rather than reflexively panicking when something seems amiss, set a deadline. This is But I realized that identifying the problem is only half the battle.When you care too much, you inevitably become attached to a certain outcome.