We had a coffee date, a long walk on the beach, a candlelit dinner, texts and emails in between, definite chemistry, and then I didn't hear from him for five days. After a while -- OK, who am I kidding, sometimes later that day -- you went to bed with him, and then woke up together, maybe shyly, and had a morning date.Then you made plans to get together that night, or the next, or over the weekend. Now, if you have a connection with a man, he might have nice connections with two or three other women, too, and so each date and new dating level -- coffee, a walk, lunch, and then dinner -- is like being on a board game, different colored game pieces being moved along the home path in Parcheesi.He had gotten out, talked to the police, and gotten a peek at the corpse. I recommended that we reschedule to a day when he hadn't seen any dead people. But at lunch, he accidentally forgot to ask me anything about my life during the first 45 minutes of the conversation.It was fascinating, that we did not get around to me until that one question. The next guy was also highly cultured, a creative venture capitalist, who was familiar with my work, and turned out to be a truly excellent conversationalist. (Of course, I mostly talked to my single friends and to Sam about Match.) They knew how brave it was of me to go on dates. This pattern repeated -- a flurry of dates, followed by radio silence on the man's part -- and made me mourn the old days, when you met someone with whom you shared interests, chemistry, a sense of humor, and you started going out.Every few weeks, I went out with a new man and practiced my dating skills – i.e., listening, staying open, and bringing the date to a friendly close.My son has "We don't give up" tattooed on his forearm, which is sort of our family crest.Yet union with a partner -- someone with whom to wake, whom you love, and talk with on and off all day, and sit with at dinner, and watch TV and movies, read together in bed, do hard tasks together, and to be loved by. I had experienced varying degrees of loneliness since my guy and I split up. Most seemed pretty normal, with college degrees, which I don't have, but certainly meant to; some attractive, mostly divorced but some like me, never married, some witty, some dull, sort of like real life.
A man I know of 22, halfway to a medical degree, is pursuing ballet dreams in New York City.They like to think that they are "closest to Buddhism," and "open to the magic that is all around us." They are "people-people." They are "open-minded and welcome all viewpoints." They are rarely seeking religious nuts like myself -- rather, they are seeking open, non-judgmental women.(The frequent reference to wanting a non-judgmental woman makes a girl worry: What if you're pretty non-judgmental, but then Larry Craig asks you out for coffee, or Buzz Bissinger, and little by little, more is revealed?We went out four times in rapid succession, for coffee, lunches, a hike.We had chemistry, laughed a lot, sent lots of emails. I thought, in my mature and/or delusional way, that this would come, but it didn't.I made a few practice casual touches, but he didn't respond.My consultants said that I should pay attention to this.I would say that CPAP machines are the greatest advance in marital joy since the vibrator.It transforms an experience similar to sleeping next to a dying silverback gorilla into sleeping next to an aquarium. Also, most men a single woman meets have been separated or divorced for about 20 minutes. This – subscribing -- means you can communicate with people at the site, instead of just studying the profiles, questionnaires, preferences and photographs for free. So the first morning, eight profiles of men varying in age from 54 to 63 arrived by email.I recoil even from the word "date," let alone the concept of possibly beginning a romantic relationship. I have an almost perfect life, even though I've been single since my last long-term boyfriend and I broke up four years ago.I really do, insofar as that is possible in this vale of tears -- a cherished family, a grandchild, church, career, sobriety, two dogs, daily hikes, naps, perfect friends.