[Content note: Gender, relationships, feminism, manosphere. Quotes, without endorsing and with quite a bit of mocking, mean arguments by terrible people.Some analogical discussion of fatphobia, poorphobia, Islamophobia.So I asked the obvious question: “What happened to your first four wives? I wish, I wish I wish, that Henry was an isolated case.” “Oh,” said the patient, “Domestic violence issues. One of them I got put in jail, and she’d moved on once I got out. “And why, exactly, were you beating your wife this time? “She was yelling at me, because I was cheating on her with one of my exes.” “With your ex-wife? ” “Yeah.” “So you beat up your wife, she left you, you married someone else, and then she came back and had an affair on the side with you? But he’s interesting more for his anomalously high number of victims than for the particular pattern.I’ve seen a lot of Hard Workers (TM) like you, and scratch their entitled surface and you find someone who thinks just because they punched a time card once everyone needs to bow down and worship them.If you complain about “rich white kids who get legacy admissions to Yale,” you’re raising a huge red flag that you’re the kind of person who steals from their employer, and companies are exactly right to give you a wide berth.And he was getting a little philosophical about it, and he asked – I’m paraphrasing here – why haven’t things worked out for me?
I’m preserving the general gist, nothing more) – I had a patient, let’s call him ‘Henry’ for reasons that are to become clear, who came to hospital after being picked up for police for beating up his fifth wife.When I was younger – and I mean from teeanger hood all the way until about three years ago – I was a ‘nice guy’.And I said the same thing as every other nice guy, which is “I am a nice guy, how come girls don’t like me?And here I was, tried my best never to be mean to anyone, pursued a productive career, worked hard to help all of my friends. Even three years ago, I knew there were Henry-like people – your abusers, your rapists, your bullies – and it wasn’t hard to notice that none of them seemed to be having the crushing loneliness problem I was suffering from.I didn’t think I deserved to have the prettiest girl in school prostrate herself at my feet. And, like my patient Dan, I just wanted to know – how is this fair?” By even asking that question, you prove that you think of bosses as giant bags of money, rather than as individual human beings who are allowed to make their own choices.No one “owes” you money just because you say you “work hard”, and by complaining about this you’re proving you’re not a hard worker at all.And of course, like most of the people I deal with at my job, there’s no good answer except maybe restructuring society from the ground up, so I gave him some platitudes about how it’s not his fault, told him about all the social services available to him, and gave him a pill to treat a biochemical condition almost completely orthogonal to his real problem.And I’m still not sure what a good response to his question would have been.Such a response would be so antisocial and unjust that it could only possibly come from the social justice movement. I’ve been thinking about “nice guys” lately for a couple of reasons.First, I read Alas, A Blog‘s recent post on the subject, MRAs And Anti-Feminists Have Ruined Complaining About Being Single.